unFathomable Envisagement,Imperfectly Perfect

It’s 12.16am at night. Still early. I’m about to sleep when I started thinking back about my life all these while back at home. The feeling is weird. It is something so alien I don’t understand how time passed so fast without realizing that I’m at a foreign land. What are the things I do over here? Sole purpose: STUDY. I have my own room as to compared to a shared one with my 2 other brothers. Even smaller than the one I have now. Yet, whenever I’m in my room for too long a time, I get lonely. What I have with me is a laptop, and books to study. And of course, my bed for sleeping purpose. Without them, this room is only walls and ceiling and fan and nothing else. I yearn to get a subwoofer to make my room more ‘livelier’. At least, there will be music with me at the times I need them most. While I couldn’t close my eyes for a night’s sleep tonight. I started thinking about the many things that have happened back home. The things that used to keep me company without paying much attentio...

It is just hopeless. People study to score, whereas I study to fail I just don't know what I can do anymore. Isn't it paradoxical that the more you study, the more you tend to fail? I have given up much hopes. and Yes, now I pray that I'm able to pull through 4 years; not without failing, but graduating When you don't see the slightest light , you lose aim. Where shall I aim for next? where is the path? I can't see the path in front of me. Forever lost.

Today is one special day I can never forget. One word " Happy" =) It is rather weird that few days before today last year, the person was here , all the time pursuing yet I didn't paid much attention. And then, a few days after today last year, it felt as though it was hard to believe that I'm actually deserving something so 'beautiful'. Then, I come to realise that the many things I've gone through so far, is meant to happen for a reason. In fact, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, you tend to wonder, why was I being held back by unfortunate events, or why was I chosen to be stuck at harsh situations . Yes, indeed you will experience something against your own will, yet, you have to believe that God is protecting you from something else more harsh, or something else that may have a higher chance of harming you. With what you have now, with what you have been given now, it is best to be content. Be grateful. Do not take things for granted. AND che...

I wish I could blog in some foreign language no one can understand. I have been wasting much time. Well it just so happens when I desperately wanna blog about eventful event I tend to get distracted and eventually put off the mood to do so anymore. When I'm superbly down, I have all the time to blog and mourn about every dissatisfaction I have. Fuh. Sometimes ppl say certain things happen because of God's will. Is it God's will have hinder me from doing what I'm supposed to do now? After awhile, I get terribly discouraged in plethora of things. Friendship is questionable, Studies I can never excel, Personal develpment I'm still lacking, and all the other things I think it's best not said. "The best person is one who fails, learn from mistakes, and develop much more from there'. Well, then I guess this person has to fail many many many many many times... and yet, try his best no to get discouraged by THAT MANY failures. Yes, indeed it is the hardest thin...

Why is everyone so stressed up in NUS? Mum called , asking how am I etc. She said' aiyo, why didn't bring essence of chicken back? all the herbs and ginseng for soup also never bring back, exam coming, important to increase alertness level...' 'you better go buy some herbs , boil soup and drink lah..see if there's any chinese herb shop around, or eu yan sang etc.' Haiz...I miss my mum's pampering esp during stressful periods, exam periods...she would boil healthy soups to improve the general well being..nowonder I am terribly burnt out now..swt -_- The things to do are neverending, eventhough exams are over ( mind you, I still have CAs and quizzes), there are still assignments!!!...okay, minus the lab reports since I will have 6 hours off beginning from next week? 2 LAB PRAC sessions gone = 6 hours of personal time = 6 hours of revision time. Yah, I am totally lost in STATS for COMPUTING (SPSS duno what crap). and we're supposed to analyse our class date...

What the *** is happening to me? I am not depressed, I am not feeling anything but ....plain aimless During A-Levels, I have never stopped and think about why I'm going through everyday as it is because everyday in my life is filled with things I enjoy, things although I don't enjoy much , I learn from it. Things that could brighten up my day in one way or another. I have more choices to deviate from being bored and depressed. In Uni, now, I always have a feeling of mundaneness having to repeat the routine over and over again. Oh ok. Today is Sunday. AGAIN. Tomorrow is monday. I have stats,then prac. Then the next day's Tuesday....blebblabla.... When you stop for just awhile, and start to think WHY are you doing this? why are you going through the same days with the same things, meetings, activities, study study study...it's freaking boring!!! Most the fridays however, I have NUSPE sessions, although i'm hell rotting in my piano skills, after i hear the tune of the ...

Everything flew past my eyes just like how seconds passed by Weeks and weeks gone and only now I begin to realise it's almost towards the year end, which means, the 1st semester finals are coming sooooon.... Yet, I'm still stuck in my own world. There's difficulty to catch up especially when everything more and more burdens begin to weigh you down, plus every other thing starts crumbling down. Confidence. gone. Perseverance. gone. Faith. gone. What are the things I could fall back in when most of the things I CAN BE confident in goes topsy-turvy? There is alot of getting used to, adjusting to frequent abrupt changes in life in NUS. It can't be that bad, right? Yes. It can be. I have tonnes of things undone. I am slow. slow= much time wasted = no time for other crucial stuff ( relaxation of the mind, physical exercise etc.) Just recently, the Sg news mentioned new regarding the lack of registered pharmacist and how pharmacists are working 12 hours a day with their pay n...