unFathomable Envisagement,Imperfectly Perfect

There are vast differences back at home in KL and here in NUS. I seriously don't know what I want After a week of orientation for the freshies this academic year, I feel totally different. Different in a very negative sense. In a sense I can hardly describe here. Last year, I came to NUS with totally optimistic and a vision to look forward to. I was excited meeting new people, new friends, new course despite the fact that it is unsuitable for me. Yeah. I was . This year, nothing I felt good about. Everything seems to be disastrous. I don't really care if I'm making this up or anything. My sense of belonging to somewhere is gone. De-attached. Detached. I lost enthusiasm. I lost my vision. I lost my confidence. I lost my purpose of studying in Sg. I'm doing what I'm doing now because I had to. There is no turning back. I don't really understand how I can survive the harsh realities of life. Yes I can. Just...difficult. What had gone wrong? What is wrong with me? ...

It's UFO2's secondth last day.. Yet, there is just a loophole somewhere I felt indifferent Mission accomplished pretending I am NOT what you THINK I am I QUIT Sense does not make me What have I done? It's just too many intertwined with each other I am confused I am always wanting At the wrong time I am always expecting Yet denying I really am I am NUMB inside I wish.. I wish.. I wouldn't have to trouble those around me I am alive yet I am dead As always, I will be -------------------------------------------------------- Whate-ever I am FED UP going yr 2 in NUS still thinking if there's a chance to go back if given a cheer for me to create I would say: SICK SICK SICK PISS OFF, I AM SICK I AM CONTAGIOUS I AM .....SICK!

Always...not needed Always...redundant Always...left out aside Who cares My life is always being played by others And I'm always willing for my feelings to be played with Who cares I am not needed I am an outcast I am weak I am stupid I shall go on pretending Who cares - Life is like extending help to others whilst others manipulate yours and accuse you back for the things you have not done or done wrongly. The good is blind to the eye. That is life. That is what I've learnt here. -

Latest pics obtained during Edward's Commencement day on the 11th July 2007.. Congratulations and May God Bless.. cheers~ :D

These few days it seemed like I'm watching my own horror film. Nothing is good in PGP. Nothing is good in Singapore. I'm beginning to loathe EVERYTHING here. including myself. Sometimes it does make sense that I don't at all belong in NUS. So far, NUS to me is HELL Even dreamt of NUS as HELL . Serious.How bad can things get? It's all up to me. I'm such a nuisance , such a worthless friend , such a useless person . I'm such a bane to society and to everyone around me. Get me a psychiatrist. I get terribly insane all the time. I am depressed. Once, I told myself it will be alright. It will be fine. I realised it isn't so. It is STILL THE SAME . I hate myself. I can't start crying to just anyone. Crying doesn't solve anything. It burdens even more people. I can't get along with people. They can't get along with me. I should start befriending aliens. Any aliens out there wanna befriend me? urgh I am crazy. PISSED AND OUTTA MY MIND. (*$&%)...

Well well, it has been a 'fruitful' week since my first day back to PGP, Spore. Yah right, ' fruitful' Had meetings, stayed up late, insufficient sleep causing assorted moodiness at different times of day. Gosh. And all those acne and red huge dots popping out of my face like nobody's business. cool. bleh Pharmacy rag building started today. Went building the 'rangka' for almost the entire day. Went swimming two days ago which only lasted for 30 mins due to dark clouds and heavy drops of rain minutes after we went into the pool. Hrm..what else did I do? Had rag meeting on Tues. Went to Cityhall , then to Vivocity on Wed for Diehard 4.0. All guilty of spending too much. Yeah right, I only had to regret after shopping for a Levi's Jean and a blouse which cost nearly $100 including dinner at Thai Express and thanks to the Sg increase in GST from 5% to 7% just recently. Just... GREAT .. Have been sneezing and sniffing and sore eye and headaches eversince th...

1st of July. SUpposedly to be the day where I'll be leaving to Singapore. However , decided to go back tomorrow instead. It'll be endless stress, and events and responsibilities once again. Darn, I'm afraid. I just don't know if I can again put myself into an oven, and get myself cooked and burnt. =( It has been 2 months in KL. Home. Been working , got my pay which wasn't a lot, but enough to be satisfied with. Miss learning music during old times despite the stress too..yeah, music can be stressful too you know. Only at the very last minute , just few days before I leave I was able to meet up with a42 peeps once again. Not forgetting bbgs gals, my best buddy..now it's just "rainbow" I wish to see..hahaha Met up with ahbear and mingyew too. And just yesterday a42 peeps gathered at John's house. haha..I guess I've been to his house very often lately. with 5B gang and with A42 gang..lol..really thank him for the good hospitality..heheh It's q...