unFathomable Envisagement,Imperfectly Perfect

I don't know how this works!!! gah I'm sooo queasy... Told bos I'm finally resigning but I don't feel good. Still unsure I find myself such a nuisance Always unable to decide. Darn then I'll be jobless and out of income for the next dunno how many months Darn I will have to bear the consequences WHAT is WRONG with me? Can someone tell me what's going on? T.T

Life is a total mess in Singapore. Seriously wished I could write THAT letter and quit for good. Argh. I just don't have the mood or guts . I know I need ACTION. But I just can't put myself together to do it. I don't know if this will be a decision I will regret later in life. All I know NOW, and after so long that I am not happy. Noble it is. But i don't see the value in me and the passion i have to bring value in others. Everyday feels like a chore, torturous and tired and aimless. Don't know why I am doing what I am doing. Refuse to look myself in the mirror, refuse to dress up, hoping the day will end as fast as possible. The moment my work ends, I feel like a new day for a couple of hours until I sleep..and things will get depressing again. I get too tired to feel excited or interested in basically ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The mind is just stressed up with !@# and !@# and !@#. Oh man I hate !@# and $%^. The crowd drives me crazy sometimes I feel like shooting d...

S eptember 13th already. AHHHHHH I am doubting myself ain't sure what is my life all about. I lack the energy and passion and drive to do things. What is wrong with me? I am sick now. Always feeling weak and vulnerable. I hate it. Appraisal is soon to come. I don't know what I should do or say. I wish I could say something positive but my heart is negative about what I do daily. Felt like I have been forced into a job because of the money I need Indeed, that was my real intention. owed it to NUS, which I didn't even enjoyed my 4 years of life there..wasted my time and now I have to f**kin repay my loans in working in jobs I don't get to choose/love. Where has my life gone to? I should be controlling it, not the other way round. Damn. I wana return to the music line, but I'm just like any other rotten rusty music lover. Even if I do love music, I can't guarantee i can do music as my job. There are so many people out there who can do much more than me in music and...

It's the blues.. I can't seem to say it or express this feeling elsewhere.. Facebook is way tooo risky..hate having colleagues added and then u don't have privacy to post whatever mood u're feeling as the WHOLE WIDE WORLD will then know u're such a loser. Argh. Why couldn't I get motivation? I always couldn't perform at work. I get very demotivated and always getting myself into a mess and it takes a whole lot of worries and trouble to just clean up the mess I hate myself I have written /seek professional help but yet to hear any replies or phone call from them I don't know if I should persist I don't how long I can take this ACC course is starting tomorrow and I have to juggle again between WORK and STUDY IT IS FREAKING TIRING If you really love what you're doing, I am very sure I won't be feeling this way, dreading each day at work If I love what I'm doing I will be motivated at most times, only less motivated few times.... But now, I...

One month in the job. Feels sucky again. I don't know how to explain this feeling It is purely like "I wish the day ends faster" everyday and when weekends come, " I wish Mondays NEVER come" WHy??? I feel superbly exhausted and tired easily as though I haven't slept in days everyday. It feels as though a huge magnet had suck out one half of my magnetic energy away... I get headaches VERY OFTEN, few days in a week..and it hinders my concentration and thinking process so much it affects my work! I don't know what have become of me. The pledge ceremony just ended last Thursday and I felt empty still. I wasn't at all proud. I wasn't happy. I just wanted to get it over and leave. I think this is bad. I'm lost in a lonely island - lost, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. LOST. As I get older, my confidence level keeps spiralling downwards. Is there a huge problem with myself? Do I need to seek help? Who should I go to? Even if I do...

Okay. So I had my 6 weeks break before I finally become a P. Well the title doesn't really make me proud. When someone asks me ' How do you feel now that you overcame much hurdles and finally obtained your licence to be a professional P', I will have to think HARD and find an answer which must not sound too sad about it. You must be thinking, I must be crazy! Why feel sad when you achieved something, and earning much more than before?? My answer: because I felt like I don't know anything, because I feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities, because I am UNSURE if this job makes me happy, because I am UNSURE if this job allow for me to find my niche and potential and excel in it without compromising my happiness! My break was GOOD. It felt like I had TIME to do the things I wanted to do. relax, enjoy and worry -less. Yet, it felt awful thinking that I will not have this luxury in just a few days' time. In the midst of all these 'free' time I had, I picked up a...

3 days out of a one month's break. Feels good. Yet felt like I should be doing more. I have no idea. I hope to keep searching for my passion and what I do best. I fear. I fear when I officially commence work as a pharmacist I would not perform according to expectations. Yet i know i have to give my best..I always let myself down but it is not without effort. I shall console myself whenever I can that I've given my best. I wished there is more to life than just work alone. There is an emptiness I couldn't figure out what is missing. I guess it's the drive to live. A purpose that will keep me going instead of living just for the weekends. I should fail more. I should be happy failing and most importantly I have to be hard on the outside. Whatever it is, I need a hard, tough core. Gosh, this is tough.