unFathomable Envisagement,Imperfectly Perfect

Realised I have been away for a long time There is this urge to express once again Feeling inwardly awkward still, I could not figure out what is truly going on. Worse of all, it started off right at the start of the new year (2013). THE vivid dreams came back.. Frightening ones, Yes Adventurous and risky ones, Yes Weird and dramatic ones, Yes Normal that I could not remember most of them but when I could, it stays. Some repetition or modification, some say improvisation into the one dream which re-plays itself the other nights or comes back after a week or two. This particular one I remember is probably an effect after watching 'Life of Pi' The ocean became terribly scary yet beautiful at the same time. I had fishes ( including predator fishes from the ocean) coming from a tiny tunnel connected to my house, into my living room. My entire two-storey house is fixated right in the middle of the ocean.  When I eventually pump out the water ( using an ordinary pu...

I don't know why but I just felt like sighing.. Not because my new job is too stressful or too dreadful but it's probably the hormones.. I'm in Skincare..although unsure about the purpose or why I chose this path..at least it is not as bad the feeling I get during my days at the P.... No bonus for the year..quite a sacrifice but no regrets.. Sometimes I still do not know if I'm giving my best or just doing a job for a living.. Yet, I know life has to go on no matter what, whether I like it or not.. Just live.  It is indeed a blessing to be alive. I wish I could travel and see the world one day.. I'm in need of inspiration from nature, culture and humanity on earth.  I want to experience new adventures every year..be it as minor as travelling to a new country or running a marathon or climbing a hill/mountain to as major as doing a bungee/skydive. xoxo.

Gosh I can't believe I'm going into something new all over again. Scary, uncertain, insecure... Don't even know why I did this. Desperate? maybe. I pray things will be better. Start of something new once again. Not sure if it's a good sign. Hope for the best x0x0

I don't know how this works!!! gah I'm sooo queasy... Told bos I'm finally resigning but I don't feel good. Still unsure I find myself such a nuisance Always unable to decide. Darn then I'll be jobless and out of income for the next dunno how many months Darn I will have to bear the consequences WHAT is WRONG with me? Can someone tell me what's going on? T.T

Life is a total mess in Singapore. Seriously wished I could write THAT letter and quit for good. Argh. I just don't have the mood or guts . I know I need ACTION. But I just can't put myself together to do it. I don't know if this will be a decision I will regret later in life. All I know NOW, and after so long that I am not happy. Noble it is. But i don't see the value in me and the passion i have to bring value in others. Everyday feels like a chore, torturous and tired and aimless. Don't know why I am doing what I am doing. Refuse to look myself in the mirror, refuse to dress up, hoping the day will end as fast as possible. The moment my work ends, I feel like a new day for a couple of hours until I sleep..and things will get depressing again. I get too tired to feel excited or interested in basically ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The mind is just stressed up with !@# and !@# and !@#. Oh man I hate !@# and $%^. The crowd drives me crazy sometimes I feel like shooting d...

S eptember 13th already. AHHHHHH I am doubting myself ain't sure what is my life all about. I lack the energy and passion and drive to do things. What is wrong with me? I am sick now. Always feeling weak and vulnerable. I hate it. Appraisal is soon to come. I don't know what I should do or say. I wish I could say something positive but my heart is negative about what I do daily. Felt like I have been forced into a job because of the money I need Indeed, that was my real intention. owed it to NUS, which I didn't even enjoyed my 4 years of life there..wasted my time and now I have to f**kin repay my loans in working in jobs I don't get to choose/love. Where has my life gone to? I should be controlling it, not the other way round. Damn. I wana return to the music line, but I'm just like any other rotten rusty music lover. Even if I do love music, I can't guarantee i can do music as my job. There are so many people out there who can do much more than me in music and...

It's the blues.. I can't seem to say it or express this feeling elsewhere.. Facebook is way tooo risky..hate having colleagues added and then u don't have privacy to post whatever mood u're feeling as the WHOLE WIDE WORLD will then know u're such a loser. Argh. Why couldn't I get motivation? I always couldn't perform at work. I get very demotivated and always getting myself into a mess and it takes a whole lot of worries and trouble to just clean up the mess I hate myself I have written /seek professional help but yet to hear any replies or phone call from them I don't know if I should persist I don't how long I can take this ACC course is starting tomorrow and I have to juggle again between WORK and STUDY IT IS FREAKING TIRING If you really love what you're doing, I am very sure I won't be feeling this way, dreading each day at work If I love what I'm doing I will be motivated at most times, only less motivated few times.... But now, I...