Life is a total mess in Singapore.

Seriously wished I could write THAT letter and quit for good.

Argh. I just don't have the mood or guts . I know I need ACTION. But I just can't put myself together to do it. I don't know if this will be a decision I will regret later in life. All I know NOW, and after so long that I am not happy. Noble it is. But i don't see the value in me and the passion i have to bring value in others.

Everyday feels like a chore, torturous and tired and aimless.
Don't know why I am doing what I am doing. Refuse to look myself in the mirror, refuse to dress up, hoping the day will end as fast as possible. The moment my work ends, I feel like a new day for a couple of hours until I sleep..and things will get depressing again. I get too tired to feel excited or interested in basically ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The mind is just stressed up with !@# and !@# and !@#. Oh man I hate !@# and $%^. The crowd drives me crazy sometimes I feel like shooting down everyone dead. My head screams for peace and quiet but the hours of clamouring does not end.
As a human, I have to emphatize and I SHOULD NOT put fault at them for FLOODING the land. I absorb all the nonsensical pressure and it feels so hard to not explode.
Maybe I'm just not good enough.
Maybe I'm just too selfish.
Maybe I'm just not normal.
I don't know.
I don't even know who I really am myself.

I wish someone or anyone can just tell me I am doing the right thing.
I wish I can be bold enough to stand up for my own feelings and emotions.
I wish I am strong enough to defend my views and hate for this thing and be so bloody sure this is not what I want in life.

..............

Comments

Anonymous said…
I don't really know if quitting was a bad choice but this is what happens when you actually quit and don't know what to do and don't have anything to do. I can't say it feels as bad as before but it is still bad. Still, I wouldn't want to go back into those days...
November 10, 2017 at 5:57 PM
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