September 13th already.

AHHHHHH

I am doubting myself ain't sure what is my life all about.
I lack the energy and passion and drive to do things.
What is wrong with me?

I am sick now.
Always feeling weak and vulnerable.
I hate it.

Appraisal is soon to come. I don't know what I should do or say.
I wish I could say something positive
but my heart is negative about what I do daily.
Felt like I have been forced into a job because of the money I need
Indeed, that was my real intention.
owed it to NUS, which I didn't even enjoyed my 4 years of life there..wasted my time
and now I have to f**kin repay my loans in working in jobs I don't get to choose/love.

Where has my life gone to? I should be controlling it, not the other way round.
Damn.
I wana return to the music line, but I'm just like any other rotten rusty music lover.
Even if I do love music, I can't guarantee i can do music as my job.
There are so many people out there who can do much more than me in music and yet they are professional elsewhere as a job.

Where do I belong?
I am sick of this country already.
No friends, no family, no life.
I used to hangout with my BB friends/ whoever is around in KL, I even get to choose not to go out.
Now, I do not have my own friends. I am jealous I see bunch of bf's friends around, their get-together and their share of old times ; I am just so left out.
Where is mine?
I too want my own gatherings..Be it minda ceria, BBGS, Tuitionmates, primary skul mates...anyone in common..

Over here, I do not have all that..I have lost touch with the world.

I admire some who still go out for regular get-togethers, outings, travelling...
Where is mine?

I am so stuck with my current mindset and I don't know how to set myself free.
I can't think well, can't focus and can't seem to contribute.

Argh. even if I'm fired, I will not blame anyone. I know I am dumb and I deserve to be fired.

Darn.

I wish I could find my purpose on life.
What is it?
T.T

Comments

-xander- said…
and i wish i can find my purpose in life too...

then again i'm fortunate to have found good colleagues that can at least make my life a tad bid enjoyable... i still do not feel that what i'm currently doing is what i want to do for life though...

sigh.. what do we live for?
September 26, 2011 at 7:28 PM
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