Traumatised

yikes!!!

the worst 3 hours for the semester is indeed, today.
Dispensing practicals.

It is seriously traumatising.
I screw it totally.
3 prescriptions. Gone. Patient will die after my interventions made. well maybe one will survive.

It's like..rushing against time. I gave a wrong dose of inhaler to a patient. And KNOWING that it is wrong , i din bother to go intervent again after the first intervention. Cos, the first intervention has be signed by 'the doctor', and the time limit held me back. In the end, my extemporaneous preparation, which is an ointment, was made 'blindly'. I didn't even have the time to read the literature. I didn't even weigh out the correct quantity. Somehow the tablets were insufficient, time was taken to get more tablets, and yeah...i was like 'i don't care anymore'.
For a moment, my mind was overloaded, and i stood there, doing nothing, traumatised.

Yes, i screwed up EVERYTHING! strength was wrong. didn't complete my patient counseling notes, wrong calculation, wrong intervention, missed out filling in precription register, missed out on getting the right things i knew i would have if i have more TIME. I know I'm slow. And that's how it is. Put me into a stressbox and i'll go 'blank'.

Perhaps, Pharmacy is just not for me. I don't and I won't be a good pharmacist. =(
I don't know what is right. to get the right things done, i take ages. actually i would rather do ONE good preparation than to screw 3 preparations. but..i don't know. It's not just the matter of failing this module. I don't care anymore. It is more like failing LIFE. I can't even meet up to the standards of doing a job of a good pharmacist. If so, why do it?

* weeping silently in own's humble abode*

and then there will be Dispensing II in 2 weeks time.
[vomits blood]

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