Lose to Gain, Gain to Lose

I had been feeling topsy turvey lately. Sometimes it's only a small matter and I'll begin to feel all weird and down. I have billions of things wanting to say from the heart yet when I start to blog, nothing seems to be coming out. I told myself, no use mourning over small, frivolous matters. It's a real struggle to control emotions. I don't know what it is, it's probably a combination of everything. I get annoyed when I start comparing. Hence I should avoid comparing too often. I get moody when I start thinking about the past. No use thinking bout the past. Hence, I should think about here and now. People change. That's undeniably true. It takes time, and changes may be caused by a trigger, large enough to undoubtedly change someone without realising it. I've seen changes in people I know. I wish to change. But, have I actually changed? If yes, it is definitely for the worse. I feel like I'm not mature enough to face the world. Looks can be deceiving. Yesterday, I realised many things you gain in life are actually gained by losing something else. It may be something important. It may be not. Yet, when you lose, you gain. Or vice versa, when you gain, you lose. Life is fair? No, life is unfair. But gaining and losing is part of the unfair life;perhaps why some people say that LIFE , is fair.

Just yesterday, I felt the sudden homesickness. Home. I miss home. What more when mum told me that things aren't very good at home. I worry. And worse of all, I felt even bad cos I'm not doing very good over here myself. Guilt haunt me. Yet, I should at least try to be emotionally strong here so to lessen the worries my parents have at home. GOsh, the hard times are coming. Again. I believe there is always a trend. When the harsh time comes, everything will be harsh. You will lose most things. A test of endurance, they call it. It is during this time where you got to hold on and tell yourself that the bad times will come to pass. After losing much, you will gain. But when you start gaining, you have to be prepared for another lost. Life, after all is all about losing and gaining. The toughest part of it all is to accept losing with an open heart, and to cherish and appreciate the gain without taking things for granted.

cheers~